A. No, but I know where you can look it up!
Q. How many reference librarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Well, what kind of light bulb were you thinking about?
Why did the librarian slip and fall on the library floor?
Because she was in the non-friction section.
Customer: I am looking for a globe of the earth.
Librarian: We have a table-top model over here.
Customer: No, that's not good enough. Don't you have a life-size?
Librarian: [pauses] Yes, but it's in use right now.'
Marion [none too bright] walks into the library and says to the librarian, 'Can I have a burger and fries?'
Librarian [whispering]: 'Ssssh…Sorry, this is a library.'
Marion: [whispering also] 'Oh, may I have a burger and fries.'
And for my fellow Star Wars fans..
Dark Side of the Library
* Adventure. Heh! Remuneration. Heh! A librarian craves not these things.
* You must learn the ways of the MARC.
* AACR can have a strong influence on the weak-minded.
* Sir, the possibility of successfully negotiating a pay rise is approximately 3,720 to 1.
* When ten years long service you reach, look as good you will not.
* If this is the the diplomatic section where is your copy of Statesmans Yearbook?
* You are a member of the vandal alliance and a traitor. Take her away.
* The Wheel has turned full circle. When we last met I was but a library assistant. Now I am a librarian.
Only a Librarian of Evil, Darth.
* I see you have constructed a new Marc Record. Now your skills are complete.
* The Cataloguer will show you the true nature of Dewey.
* Fear will keep the outlying patrons in line. Fear of this work station.
* This was your Fathers card catalogue. Not as clumsy or as random as an OPAC. A more civilised catalogue for a more elegant age.
* That's no small branch library.